Kody Brown.Photo:TLC

Kody Brown Calls Kids with Janelle Brown the ‘Source of My Pain’

TLC

Kody Brownis beginning a new chapter afterthe demiseof his polygamous family.

TheSister Wivesstar, 54, tells PEOPLE that he is looking forward to “a future of a lot of forgiving and a lot of more understanding” with his exes afterthree of his four marriages ended.

“It’s a journey that goes inward and it’s a journey that’s outward,” he shares. “You have to express forgiveness to the people you’ve been involved with.”

Robyn Brown, Meri Brown, Kody Brown, Christine Brown and Janelle Brown from “Sister Wives” arrive at the grand opening of Mike Tyson’s one-man show “Mike Tyson: Undisputed Truth - Live on Stage”

Ethan Miller/Getty

“You have to express understanding and hope that at the end of an era for us as a family, we still have hope of a friendship and a loving or kind relationship with each other in the future because we’re bound forever through our kids,” he adds.

Kody Brown.TLC

Kody Brown

“I feel like my confidence is coming back,” he says. “I got to find that space of grace and love for myself as well. Be it really forgiving of simple things, like just being angry about what has happened. I want to forgive myself for that and move on.”

Despite thechallenging times, Kody says that “the optimism must be coming back” to him.

“I remember this great life that we had and what an experience to be a team with these 22 people and just trying to survive the rapids of life and it was great,” he shares. “There’s my optimism. It’s back. I’m seeing my past again and saying, ‘It was lovely.’ It’s changed now.”

Christine Brown, Meri Brown, Robyn Brown, Janelle Brown, Kody Brown Sister Wives - 2010

Puddle Monkey Prods/Kobal/Shutterstock

He continues, “Maybe I’ll find that optimism for the future. In the end, hopefully we just love each other and let each other move on.”

Never miss a story — sign up forPEOPLE’s free daily newsletterto stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

Sister Wivesis now streaming on Max.

source: people.com